This week I really want to talk to you about a topic you might not want to hear about. Someone once called me out on this and it didn’t feel good, but I believe that sometimes we have to be called out especially if we are displaying behaviors that may negatively affect our future.
I’m talking the victim mentality. If you’re not suffering from this I’m sure you know someone who is. Having the victim mentality means blaming other people for things that go wrong in your life or never taking responsibility when bad things happen. Put simply, nothing is ever your fault.
I was once the victim. When I started my business and didn’t have the money coming in to support my family so I blamed everyone but myself. I blamed the government. I blamed “the man” – you have heard this term before, and what’s funny is, I can’t tell you exactly who “the man” is! I also blamed people in general for not buying what I had to offer. I needed someone to blame because my house was in foreclosure, our cars were getting repossessed and I couldn’t face the fact that it was really my fault. I was truly the only person that could fix the problem.
The real problem with having the victim mentality is that it keeps you stuck. When you are unable to take responsibility for your life, you give someone or something else the power over your life. The victim mentality keeps you helpless and disgusted with your life. Is this how you want to be? For me, the answer was definitely no. I’m sure the answer is no for you too.
I recognized that in order for me to pull myself out of the awful situation that I was in I had to suck it up and be accountable for my life and my mess. Sure it was hard and even if other people did have a hand in making my life the living hell that it was, that didn’t matter because it was still up to me to fix it. I am fortunate that I was able to come to this understanding because I changed the way I thought about my situation. With the help of my husband, Jamil, we were able to save our house from going into foreclosure and pull ourselves out of financial ruin. This was only possible because I stopped playing the victim and accepted all the responsibility for my life and situation.
Now it’s your turn.
- Start taking responsibility for your life, now. Stop blaming others for the outcomes of your situation. This is your life. It’s up to you to fix what happens to you. I certainly understand that things sometimes happen that are beyond your control but it is still your job to pick up the pieces and start the process of healing. Accepting responsibility means you hold the power of your own life in your hands.
- Change your attitude and your mindset. Be encouraged about your life. Your life is yours to live. Once you start thinking of the positive, positive things will come to you. Once you get away from the thought pattern that things are owed to you, you can start getting into the habit of going after what you want out of life. The slightest shift toward the positive can give you a big boost. It was imperative that I began to change the way I thought about my situation. At first I saw it as doom and gloom, but when I started thinking and believing that things could get better, they actually did!
- Stop chasing away the good things that come into your life. When you have the victim mentality you tend to chase away any good things that come your way. It could be a career opportunity, an experience that will give you the chance to grow yourself, a good relationship, a great friendship, or possible future successes. Accept the good things and take full advantage of them. Believe it or not when I was down and out, about to lose my home and my cars I turned down several job opportunities because not only did I still have the victim mentality, but I also failed to realize that getting a job was the only way I was going to get out of the hell I was living. I was too prideful to go back to work therefore I chased away all my life boats until I got smart and realized that I needed a job to survive. Don’t be a fool! Suck up that pride and do what you have to do to survive.
- Stop putting the focus all on yourself. Don’t be so consumed with yourself that you forget about other people. Once you stop thinking about yourself all the time, you can focus on helping someone else. If a friend is in need of a favor, why not help them reach their goals? By helping someone else you are shedding the victim mentality. In the process of saving my house from foreclosure, a miraculous thing happened. After I obtained the skills I needed to save my own home, I began to help others who were facing foreclosure save their homes also. This was such an amazing experience for me and I am glad that I was able to get out of my own way to help others.
- Show gratitude today. Be thankful for the things you have. Think of things such as your family and friends, your job, the clothes on your back, the food you have available to eat and the shelter over your head. Think to yourself of all of the people in the world that don’t have these basic things and who are struggling to get them. The fact that you already have them is something to be grateful for. Show gratitude every single day. I now wake up every day and thank God for everything in my life. There is nothing more precious than being able to live my life right now. I no longer live with the victim mentality because life is way too short to blame others for something that’s wrong in my life.
Today’s Shareable Message: When you overcome the victim mentality you take back the control of your life.
Your Assignment: Write down at least one thing you have been playing to victim with. Now vow to take responsibility and reclaim your power. Share with me below.